PTPPE: ...and Really Bad Eggs, Part II

* ...and Really bad Eggs Part II*

Here we are, aboard the Jolly Roger, tied up to the mast either waiting to walk the plank or to be flogged and then sent below. Facilier is arguing with Hook about the rest of the treasure on the island and whether they should go back for it. Hook keeps saying yes and Facilier keeps saying no.

"We have a schedule to keep, Hook, you should know that."

"Yes, but my crew grows restless, they haven't had a fair share in quite a while."

"Well you better tell them to haul ass back to the Neitherworld or else Oogie will track us down and make a meal out of us."

"It's not just ME that you have to convince about that..."

By the looks of it Facilier was outnumbered by a vote, he stormed off into the captain's quarters and slammed the door behind him. Mister Smee stuck around us, attempting to control the more ruthless crew of Barbossa. No one was really nice to him except me and Emily, whom he sat closer, still keeping an eye on the rest of the crew, but also ignoring their threats of death and insults.

"I honestly feel sorry for you Smee, if I was in your situation I don't think I'd be able to do it."

"Thanks laddie, I'm not sure how I keep up with it either."

Suddenly Hook barged in and then called Smee aside in a corner, me and Emily could barely make out a few words, but it all seemed to be in our favor. Hook and practically all of the crew were going ashore to get the rest of the loot, while Smee and Dr. Facilier stayed aboard and guarded us. Smee wasn't really keen on the idea, but once Hook brandished his cutlass against Smee's rather large nose he said "Aye aye c-captin." Before Hook departed he spoke with us, "And one last thing... if anyone gets the bright idea to escape, our friend Dr. Facilier will have to call upon the help of your own shadows to tie you back down to the ship... or worse." and with that Hook floated off the ship and back to the cave. And there we sat, wondering what the plan was, we could certainly see Barbossa was trying to think of an idea, the two pirates we were strapped to were still bickering about if they should have put their name on the gold pile itself or every individual bit of gold.

"I really hope Spike pulls through for us, I don't know how much of this argument I can take."

"You and me both, these chains are really starting to chafe."

***

Alright, I have a heavy-ass lid above me, and lots of these cool looking coins below me... I haven't been able to smoke a cigar for at least five minutes. I'm starting to go crazy here! I can't take it any more! I need to get out of here and have a smoke break (not to mention find someplace to take a monster dump). I put one of the coins in my pocket, then I take out a car-jack and start lifting the lid to this chest. Once I'm out I leave the jack in it so I can get back in. Thankfully they put the chest in the Hull... I can hear someone though... aww man it's that tall witch doctor guy from before! I'd know that voice anywhere. I jump on top of a few boxes and peer through the floorboards, yup, he's in the captain's quarters talking to a table... a table? And they call ME crazy!

"Damn good-for-nothing Ppirates, doesn't he know Oogie doesn't like to be kept waiting?"

*BRRRRRRT*

"Excuse m... wait, that wasn't me! Who's out there!?"

Thankfully my fart echoed so it sounded like it came from the deck instead of the hull. Unfortunately the fart shook some thing up and now I REALLY have to go. I manage to find the place where they shoot the cannons and I perch out one of the openings to shoot off my own cannon... ERRRGHaahhh.... that's the spot...

***

Facilier stormed into the room all the captives were in and picked up Mr. Smee. "Somebody is loose onboard the ship little man, how did that happen?" Smee was stuttering up something but suddenly the Doctor dropped him and went back to the door... he stopped for a moment though and then turned around. "Looks like we're going to need some help if Hook isn't going to comply." He suddenly slammed his cane down on the ground and a green cloud exploded out of it. "I had a time finding some NEW friends on this side, my old ones had a... disagreement with me... say hello to my NEW friends on the other side." Suddenly out of the green cloud came sick-looking barnacle-ridden fish people. Facilier pointed to the door ordering them to search the whole ship as well as to set it back on course for the Neitherworld. He then went back to a cowering Smee "And YOU, sir, I want off of this ship." Before Smee could say anything one of the things threw him overboard, we saw him dog paddle back to the island as the ship started to move. "Sure I had to give up some of my Voodoo ways, but I'm sure the so-called Old Gods are more rewarding." boasted Dr. Facilier. Me and Emily started to whisper to one another again as Facilier left.

"Old Gods... hmm this might work out in our favor afterall, Em's."

"Really? How do you think so?"

"I've been reading up on Spike's 'Boss' Cthulhu, he's one of the Old Gods, or at least related to them."

"So how does that work in our favor?"

"If one of those fish-things knows Spike, then they'll just think Facilier summoned him as well."

"Yeah, but if they KNOW Spike, how many of them do you think will actually be a friend?"

"You have a valid point there..."

***

After I was finished playing the toilet version of Battleship I decided to look and see where everyone was tied up, I bet Will and Em will be thinking of an idea and getting out in a jiffy anyway, they'd have to be stoopid to think I'M going to save their sorry asses... although if I did I may get to be the hero of this episode! Maybe even get a victory kiss from Emily... FRENCH kissing. That's good enough inspiration for me! Hold on Emily, I'm going to rescue everyone! I find myself close to the stairs upwards to the poopdeck... hehe poop... HOLY MOTHER OF THE OLD ONES! What are the fish-faces doing here? I never thought Neverland was their juristiction... but then again working under one of the Old Gods... I should have known. So I decide with the direct approach.

"Wazzap!"

"SKRAAH!"

"Hey Harold! Did you loose some weight?"

"SKRAAH!"

"Haha, thanks, yeah I'm doing alright."

"SKRAAH!"

"The wife? I have a wife? Oh yeah! I did have one didn't I?"

"SKRAAH!"

"Speaking of searching for intruders, where are they being kept?"

"SKRAAH!"

"Second door to the right upstairs? Thanks!"

"SKRAAH!"

"You have a nice day too!"

I swagger across the deck, saluting and waving to all my buddies; Eddie, Steve, Bob, Tom, Jackie, and even Johnson, haven't seen him for a while. Then I walk into the prisoner's room like it's nobody's business and lo and behold! There's my damsel in distress... and the other losers.

***

"Spike! Thank god... or somebody close enough, I thought you'd never rescue us."

"Yeah yeah, whatever... Emily... miss me?"

"..."

"I'll take that harsh soul-stabbing glare as a yes."

"Just untie us already ya miserable swab!" Barbossa boomed, Spike jumped back and then started untying all of us. As soon as we were all freed the Pirates took arms. Barbossa was about to lead an attack on all the fish monsters until Spike tried to speak up. "Hey these guys are still my buddies y'know." Barbossa kind of shrugged the statement off and said "All the more reason they should all die!" We all stormed out pistols firing and swords clashing! It wasn't long before Facilier showed up. Me and Emily took on the Doctor while the fish monsters were busy with the pirates. Thankfully it looked like the pirates were winning, as soon as they stabbed the fish-things they kind of turned into a mixture of seaweed and barnacles. Soon it was Facilier that was left, he ran back into the Captain's Quarters and tried to lock the door. Barbossa ordered his men to get a cannon from below to blast the door off, but Emily had another plan... she flew through the door with a strange doll in her hands. What happened next was hard to tell... but it sounded something like this:

"You lost Facilier."

"Of course, I can see that, I surrender."

"That sounds more sarcastic than anything."

"Of course, I know what happens, you send me to jail, and what then?"

"Jail? No, I had something better planned."

"Where did you get that!?"

"I managed to look up a few of your old friends after our last encounter."

"Look, it wasn't entirely my idea to trap you in that book."

"I found out how I could contact them... so I have one question to ask."

"What?"

"Are you ready?"

"No... No! NO PLEASE!"

The rest was a bit of a blur, we saw a green light from the cracks of the door and a group of people chanting 'Are ya ready' and Facilier screaming. Emily came out with a satisfied smirk on her face, holding a small voodoo doll of a hysterically terrified looking Dr. Facilier.

"Is that..."

"Yes."

"And you trapped him into that..."

"Yes."

"Awesome."

We high fived and Barbossa began to chart a course back to the Neitherworld, when we got there we met up with Minerva, who was entralled that we got the chest. She was even more ecstatic when we told her the adventure we had to get it back, she even kissed Spike on the cheek for saving us! She's a brave little lady. We left with a huge paycheck, and Spike left with a huge grin on his face.

"I got a hero's kiss today... will I be getting another?"

"Don't push your luck with me."

"Aww c'mon, just one?"

"Ask Will."

"Hey! That was one time! And we didn't do it on purpose!"

Emily and Wesley laughed all the way back home, Spike didn't get the other Hero's kiss he was hoping for and I got a voodoo doll to put on my desk in the office. I hope you like your new prison Dr. Facilier, I'm going to make sure you stay in there as long as possible. I also hope Smee is alright... I have a feeling he's going to have to take the fall for getting Hook and his crew stranded on that island.